


The Cool Killers Club

by EvanSP



Category: Dead by Daylight (Video Game)
Genre: Cannibalism Puns, Death, Meat Hooks, Other, Stabbing, Swearing, girl fights, salty survivors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 02:17:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20202112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvanSP/pseuds/EvanSP
Summary: "Welcome to The Cool Killers Club! I'm the Wraith aka best killer, and today we're going to talk about- Oh Amanda, Julie, can you maybe.. stop fighting right now? We're trying to record an episode of our new-girls GIRLS. DON'T DO THAT! Ugh. One moment please! I said ONE MOMENT! Trapper, turn it off!"





	The Cool Killers Club

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not dead, I've just been inactive on almost everything. Have a short spoof of what happens in the C.K.C behind the scenes. This was really fun to write by the way. Also if you don't know by now, this is a parody of Samination.
> 
> Enjoy.

It was that time again. The weekly killer meeting was about to start. The basement was already filled with several voices and shouts. Philip drifted along the shack and down the mucky staircase, tapping his bell to get everyone's attention.

"**A-ding-ding-ding**! The meeting will now come to order!" All eyes were focused on him.

"H-hey! I thought this was my club!" Evan complained.

"Not anymore." Philip replied. "Anyway so I've been thinking, why does the Entity even allow survivors to enter our basement on their own accord? And then they steal from us!"

"H-hey Wraithy!" A female voice piped up. Philip turned to the voice and sighed.

"Frank, get back in your locker." He pointed to the locker in the far corner. "I'm not Frank you idiot, I'm Julie!" She yelled angrily, putting her hands on her hips. "And no, I won't!"

"Who actually cares...you both look the same" Amanda joined in. Julie turned to her, her anger clearly visible despite her wearing a mask. "What was that, piggy?"

"I'm just saying, you all look the same. How do you expect us to get all your names right if you wear the same shit? Oh and FYI, you should really pick a different outfit, that mask makes you look like some 12 year old Jeff the Killer wannabe." Julie clenched her fists and charged at Amanda, pulling her knife and stabbing her in the breast. Amanda howled in pain and pushed her back into the wall, pulling her own knife and penetrating Julie in the stomach. Everyone in the basement started to cheer and fist bump the air.

"Girls, girls" Philip tried to separate the two, but to no avail. He turned to some of the more 'buff' killers. "Can one of you help me out.. please?"

Leatherface walked up to the pair and grabbed Amanda, hoisting her over his shoulder and walking up the stairs with her struggling on his shoulder. "Yummy!" Bubba said happily.

"NO! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK. GET THE FUCK OFF ME, FATTY! DON'T YOU FUCKING EAT ME. I'M GOING TO GET MR.KRAMER ON YOU!" Amanda screamed, trying to kick him. "Good luck with that! He's dead!" Philip called after them.

"Now.." He turned to Julie, picking her up and shoving her in a locker. "..Much better!" Evan stuck his hand up. The Wraith sighed. "What now?"

"About the theme songs-" "No-no. We've already been through this Trapper, we aren't talking about that now." Philip cut him off. Trapper raised his hand yet again, only to be shut down by Philip yet again. "No, I'm not going to go rescue Amanda, and no I'm not going to let Julie out the lo- what the Meg?"

Meg had just casually walked into the Entity's basement and was looking for the chest. Sally blocked her. "Get out of here you little twat." She cracked her knuckles. Rin joined in. "You aren't allowed in here..."

"Move out of my way, this is my basement." Both girls looked dumbfounded. "Uhm, no it's not." "Uhm, yes it is. Did you even read the rules? You have to let me search the chest. Also you have to stand in the corner and face the wall while I do." Meg pushed the girls out the way and made her way to the chest, but before she could open it The Doctor grabbed her and tossed her on a hook, causing her to scream in immense pain.

"Basement campers!" She yelled angrily.

"We aren't in a trial. You are supposed to be at the campfire. You walk into the killer's domain, you die. Stupid." The Doc rolled his eyes at her stupidity.

The Entity crawled out and consumed her soul, lifting her into the air until her translucent body disappeared in a cloud of inky black smoke. "Foolish girl." Herman giggled.

"You know what I.. I can't be bothered anymore. Meeting adjourned..." Philip sighed and tapped his bell and left the basement.

It was completely silent until Evan piped up. 

-

"So, who wants to hear my new theme song?"


End file.
